I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
this hospital has no fireball
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
