Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
