someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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