Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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