Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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