I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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