My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
