when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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