I want to have your abortion
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
