His pubic hair was longer than his dick
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
