ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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