She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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