We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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