When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
