YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think I died a long time ago.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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