so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
