I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
