I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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