there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
