I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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