my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
