for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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