Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
