Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
