and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
