I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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