So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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