Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
