Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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