imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
