Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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