420 ftw
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
