have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
