I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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