In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
