At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
