I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
