It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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