At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
