Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
