I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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