Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
