my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
