I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
