So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
