i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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