a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
