She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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