So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just gargled with NyQuil
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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