He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
