I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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