hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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